2011 May « Tao of Cao

Nothing special here, move along.

So this seems to happen around this time of year. I actually wished I didn’t know why but If I said that I know I would be lying. Getting close to my birthday and this is normally a great time for people to celebrate them getting a year older and all that stuff.

I’m married to a wonderful woman who loves me and have awesome in laws that love to celebrate birthdays and special occasions. It’s always odd to hear one’s mother in law say “Your birthday is coming next month, where do you want to go for dinner for your birthday?” as she wipes out her calendar to try to match up schedules to see when is the best time to celebrate. Last year they made a point to go out to dinner even though they had been out on vacation to still take me out. They even mailed me my birthday card and they live in the same city, but they were out on vacation!

My wife she’s amazing, she always does a good job in getting me a present and just being there and making me feel awesome. She does that even when it’s not my birthday. I know what you are thinking? So what the hell is wrong with you man?

Well the above scenario is something that’s played out for the past three to four years. The years before that they weren’t so grandiose. Even some of the things that happen still happen today. I had one birthday from my childhood that stood out above any other birthday when I was growing up. This was the birthday where I turned twelve years old. I actually had a birthday party and had friends come over and I got a whole twelve dollars for every year of my birthday! My grandmother made a guitar cake and it was so cool.

The rest of my birthdays well they weren’t so grandiose! A lot time it was forgotten by family members and it didn’t have any celebrations. I guess I shouldn’t complain or at least that’s what I’ve been told. It was just never a time where I actually felt special. Which seemed to have been a running theme of my upbringing. That’s for another blog post I suppose. Those days of not feeling special still creep back up on me and makes me view myself in a light that is not becoming.

I remember an exercise that my therapist had me do back in the day. He said I have to start playing “tapes” of good qualities that I am and stop listening to the “bad tapes” of what others have said about me. There are times in my life I end up going back to that “virtual tape case” and pulling out the old tapes and start playing them, I don’t know why it’s just dumb and silly I know.

It just seems like today is one of those days where I can’t turn off the damn tape player. Anyone have a hammer?

-Cao

May 27, 2011 Posted by J | Birthday, General, Humor, Reflections | 1 Comment

Flirting (When is it ok/not ok?)…

Taken from Wikipedia:

Flirting is a playful, romantic or sexual overture by one person to another subtly indicating an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, and can involve verbal communications as well as body language. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity etc. Verbal communication of interest can include the vocal tone, such as pace, volume, intonation. Challenges (teasing, questions, qualifying, feigned disinterest) serve to increase tension, test intention and congruity.

Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony. Double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive, may be used. …

People flirt for a variety of reasons. Flirting can indicate an interest in a deeper relationship with another person. Some people flirt simply for amusement, with no intention of developing any further relationship. This type of flirting sometimes faces disapproval from others, either because it can be misinterpreted as more serious, or it may be viewed as cheating if either person is already in a committed relationship with someone else.

This has been a topic that I can say I have not fully grasped. When I say “grasped” I mean I don’t understand those that are in a “happy relationship” and they seem to want to flirt with another person in a “happy relationship” and this isn’t just a simple “Oh you’re cute” type flirt this is a full on advance. I never understood how this is acceptable by either parties. I can say I’ve been a sucker and I took some simple flirting done to me possibly to far when I was in high school and thought someone was flirting and was interested in me but they weren’t. The flirting to this person was a game. Wait…what? A game?!?! A game of what? The person could not explain to me what the game was.

Was it a game like “chicken” to see how far one could go before they suddenly swerve off the road only to crash? A game to see how close you get someone believing that you are interested in them and then just drop them like a fly? A game to try to break up a happy relationship only for your own selfish reasons? I don’t understand what this “game” is.

I’m that type of guy (cue LL Cool J) that don’t play a game when I flirt. If I’m flirting that means I’m interested. When I say flirt I’m not talking about “Oh my you’re looking smoking hot today!” I’m talking about the flirting when it’s to the point where you’re doing full own advances. Talking about how you want to caress, hold, grab, kiss the target of your flirtation. I’ve never understood how this type of flirtation has become acceptable. Maybe I’m old fashion or maybe I think anyone that does this, knowing that the person your flirting with is with someone else, is truly treading on unsafe ground. I’ve seen plenty of “flirting” move away from just “flirting” to breaking up relationships and leaving hurt feelings. I’ve seen it where it didn’t break up the relationship but left history that no one should have to deal with.

I’ve been in the restaurant with my dad and I’ve seen him flirt with the waitress to the point where it was flat-out embarrassing to me and the waitress. I mean my dad is in his mid 50s and still acting like he’s in high school. Is this OK behavior to have with a perfect stranger when the person you’re flirting with ISN’T FLIRTING BACK? If the person isn’t flirting back that should tell you something. Either “Stop!” or “Now isn’t the right time.” In either situation you should probably stop.

So I have to ask for you when is flirting ok and when is it not? Be specific as in the flirting that is harmless (You’re looking hot today) or too far (Oh if I get a hold of you I’m going to turn you out!)

Tao of Cao: Innocent flirting can lead to feelings hurt on both parties. If the person is in a relationship really think about what you’re doing aside from your selfish feelings if you’re doing it just for pure kicks. If you’re doing because you’re interested you should move on until that person isn’t in a relationship any longer.