Tao of Cao

Nothing special here, move along.

So this seems to happen around this time of year. I actually wished I didn’t know why but If I said that I know I would be lying. Getting close to my birthday and this is normally a great time for people to celebrate them getting a year older and all that stuff.

I’m married to a wonderful woman who loves me and have awesome in laws that love to celebrate birthdays and special occasions. It’s always odd to hear one’s mother in law say “Your birthday is coming next month, where do you want to go for dinner for your birthday?” as she wipes out her calendar to try to match up schedules to see when is the best time to celebrate.  Last year they made a point to go out to dinner even though they had been out on vacation to still take me out. They even mailed me my birthday card and they live in the same city, but they were out on vacation!

My wife she’s amazing, she always does a good job in getting me a present and just being there and making me feel awesome. She does that even when it’s not my birthday. I know what you are thinking? So what the hell is wrong with you man?

Well the above scenario is something that’s played out for the past three to four years. The years before that they weren’t so grandiose. Even some of the things that happen still happen today. I had one birthday from my childhood that stood out above any other birthday when I was growing up. This was the birthday where I turned twelve years old. I actually had a birthday party and had friends come over and I got a whole twelve dollars for every year of my birthday! My grandmother made a guitar cake and it was so cool.

The rest of my birthdays well they weren’t so grandiose! A lot time it was forgotten by family members and it didn’t have any celebrations. I guess I shouldn’t complain or at least that’s what I’ve been told. It was just never a time where I actually felt special. Which seemed to have been a running theme of my upbringing. That’s for another blog post I suppose. Those days of not feeling special still creep back up on me and makes me view myself in a light that is not becoming.

I remember an exercise that my therapist had me do back in the day. He said I have to start playing “tapes” of good qualities that I am and stop listening to the “bad tapes” of what others have said about me. There are times in my life I end up going back to that “virtual tape case” and pulling out the old tapes and start playing them, I don’t know why it’s just dumb and silly I know.

It just seems like today is one of those days where I can’t turn off the damn tape player. Anyone have a hammer?

-Cao

May 27, 2011 Posted by J | Birthday, General, Humor, Reflections | 1 Comment