Your podcast is a JOY to listen to.

I had a lot more parties than you did, but I also have an old tape that says, “Whaddya think your special just cause it’s your birthday?” Even good days can be ruined by heartless people. It’s sad that the negativity overwhelms the good memories.

I hope you can turn your tapes off in time to enjoy your birthday! You have a wonderful new family that sounds excited and happy to have a day to celebrate you!

This person compliments me a lot…I’ll hang with him when I’m feeling low.

This person keeps it real…I’ll hang with her when I lose focus.

These people give me stuff…God bless ‘em.

This person makes me feel like crap. Always. I’m going to scrawl filth about him in the bathroom wall.

Empathy is an important tool that elevates us beyond our base instincts, above our survival mechanisms. Forgiveness and understanding are important aspects of any relationship but I think that the impersonal nature of the Internet and SMS texting has stiffled our empathy and willingness to show mercy. How many times have we read an e-mail or some other form of “e-text” from somewhere and instantly became offended by it, only to realize, much to our chagrin, that we misinterepreted either the message or the intent? There’s a study out there – and if I can find it, I’ll link it to you – that shows how quality friendships have decreased at an alarming rate over the past two decades compared to how things were 50 years ago. And I mean real friendships; someone you can trust enough to confide in with deep, personal matters.

The funny thing is that we are all the same. We all have the same wants, needs, etc. We are all connected…but some people are frightened by this and don’t want to be inconvenienced by this fact. This leads to another survival mechanism: community. Humans have a tendency to form communities for survival. But even then, it’s not enough. People form communities within communities (e.g. cliques, pecking orders) to further polarize their associations. Is this helpful now? Sometimes, yes. But usually not. We use this clique-minded mentality to put up a degree of seperation with one another, so we don’t have to feel uncomfortable when we realize that when we see this slob, or that lazy bones, or that chow-hound, we’re actually looking at a mirror. Introspection is a painful yet necessary process…so we do what we can to delay that as much as possible. Sometimes the similarities between someone we don’t like and ourselves are so compelling that we force ourselves to feign ignorance and we start believing it after awhile. This is why some people react so violently when confronted with a certain truth about their personality or inclinations that they’re not ready to face.

Now you know me, JJ. I prefer to be up front about things and expect my friends and associates to return that favor. I hate guessing and speculating about where I stand with people – life is too short for me to waste that kind of time. Truth is important, especially in friendships and just about every other relationship we have. Unfortunately, there are many people who weaponize, as you’ve pointed out. I think it’s important to understand where that pain is coming from. Is this person genuinely trying to hurt me? Or is there something going on that I’m not seeing? Have I acted in a manner that hit too close to home?

Lisa
(Aka Allecia – I know you know who I am, just wasn’t sure if you knew other Lisa’s )

Being with you has made me a better person. It has made me able to express my feelings and I’m glad for that. Thank you for revealing so much of yourself to the world. You are wonderful.