Oh how many of you folks out there are happy that Valentine’s Day is over? How many of you are not? How many of you even care? Me having all the luck in the world to have the last name Valentine I fall in the last category to be honest. I know a lot of times the running joke is my “hatred” of the day because of the corny jokes that happen during the holiday. It’s enough to make me smile. In our house any day can be Valentine’s day because I make sure I show Renee that I truly love her.
One of the things that hit me this holiday though is the fact that there are a lot of people who feel like they do not deserve a rose, card, or even a cordial greeting. Sometimes this is caused by hurt, loss, or just flat-out don’t like the propaganda during the holiday. I’d like to take a second and address at least the first two.
Hurt: I can relate to this. I’ve been hurt plenty in my life and it’s not a good feeling. You feel like you been done over, taken advantage of, or just flat-out stupid. It seems with some guys it easy to separate yourself (re: shut down the feelings once held) and move on. I find this interesting as it’s easy and nothing is resolved but one must do what they must to move on. With some gals it seems that there has to be a process of removing the person that’s done the hurt from your heart. This normally takes time and there’s a process of removing such person or object.
Loss: I’ve had my share of loss in life. I still remember the day my grandfather passed away. I was raised by my grandparents and this impacted me hard as I was only 15 years old. I remember my grandmother telling me I was know the man of the house. I remember not crying at the funeral and felt like something was wrong with me. I also remember walking up to the graveyard 2 months later and talking to my grandfather, bawling my eyes out as I screamed and asked him why did he leave me here to take care of the family and I was only 15. I still look back and wonder why’d it take so long for me to grieve? I know each person grieves differently.
I feel that much like hurt people deal with these emotions the same way. The shut-downer and the recoverer. (Yes I made these names up).
Sometimes it’s hard for one to understand the other. The shut-downer shuts down that bridge looks at the recoverer that’s trying to remove the object and leave some what of a bridge and doesn’t understand how it’s so hard to let it go. The recoverer looks and wonders why was it so easy for the shut-downer to “shut the feelings off”. I feel that it’s not about if one is male or female any more.
I wonder if it goes back to how one was raised? What was their childhood like? What are their defense mechanism to protect them in life? I know in my life I was the one that in order for me to move on I would shut down. I couldn’t operate if I allowed all my feelings to just unleash. I do know this though, the past 4 years with Renee has allowed me to not shut down immediately. I’m thankful for her and what she has brought into my life. I thank God, Zeus, whoever you wish to acknowledge here for her every day.
Propaganda: As far I’m concerned we as humans are going to try to make a buck off an idea. That same steak dinner you can get for 12.99 any other day suddenly goes up to 17.99 on Valentine’s day, Mother’s Day, etc. Is it right? Probably not but it is what it is you can even give in and participate or not.
What do you think, what are your mechanism? What’s your instinct tell you to do when hurt or loss comes about? Do you feel that’s too much ammunition to admit to?
Tao of Cao: Love yourself like you never loved anyone else. Love yourself and those that love you will love you more. Believe that you matter no matter what, because you do matter.